I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
