I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
