There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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