I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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