Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
