I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
