Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
