Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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