Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
