You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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