I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
