Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
