This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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