i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
