whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
