Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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