Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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