WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
