He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
