someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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