I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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