Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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