i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
