my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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