dude i'm inner monologue high
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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