So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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