dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
