wat bout pragnant strippers??
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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