dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
