we're blogging at a bar
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
