well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
