last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
