tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
