I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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