i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
