went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
