Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
