if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize