She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My ass is underappreciated
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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