In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize