I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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