he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
