Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
