I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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