im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
