It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
