new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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