Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
