Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
