I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
