Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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