he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
