The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
