He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
