Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
