i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
