I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
