I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
