My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize