remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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