i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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