You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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