Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
