5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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