I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
