I just cut my nipple shaving
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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