Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
