i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
