She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
