I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize