Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
sick fucks of a feather flock together
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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