The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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