apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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