i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
